Do you still remember the first big puzzle you got as a gift from a parent, or grandparent, or uncle? That big box with the many little pieces and the beautiful photo on the box—what will the end result be? And that feeling of excitement, of being willing to accept the challenge to put it all together? It became a test for yourself to see if you could succeed. At that moment, you did not think about the agonizingly long time it would take to put it together, only about the goal of having it completed.
Putting a big, 5,000-piece puzzle together is the perfect metaphor for building a relationship. You start off by buying the box with a photo of what the completed puzzle will look like. That is the same as investing time and effort in a relationship with a certain image of how perfect it will look once you have everything together.
You start by finding the four corners; that's easy and fun, and the excitement still runs high. It's like the beginning of the relationship. Then you start looking for all the blue parts, the clear sky above, and the parts of the relationship you two have in common. And there are many, the puzzle comes together nicely, and the relationship blossoms.
What happens when you have built it only halfway? What happens to your self-esteem? The half-completed puzzle ends up in the box in a drawer, the other pieces strewn around, with a half-hearted promise to yourself that you'll one day pick it up again. But, life is life, other puzzles appear, some easy, some even more difficult. You just never gets back to that first puzzle you lost your heart on. A part of your heart dies when you give up. You become cynical. You doubt yourself. In the back of your mind it will always bother you that you quitted, and because of that, you fear opening up that box to try again, to see the evidence that you gave up.
So you invest in a new puzzle, in a new relationship. A different, but also beautiful photo on the box. Often an easier, cheaper one. And the building starts all over again. You judge your next puzzle more harshly, become even more willing to give up easier, question it more. In the back of your mind, you remember that one big, wonderful puzzle. You build your second, or fifth, puzzle with less enthusiasm, less willpower, and more critical of yourself. And chances are, just like with relationships, that you'll give up easier, while again losing a bit of your wonder about the beauty life has, that true love has. Just look at old people that are poor, how cynical, pessimistic, and moaning they are about everything. Wealthy old people, on the other hand, seems content and ready to take any challenge, because they learned in life that it pays to persist until you win. Again, observe for yourself, and tell me if I'm wrong.
This is why I am a strong advocate of persistence. Try or die. Burn bridges behind you, leaving you with only one option: go forward. Stick it out. Endure. Plan. Try again. Have patience. Fall, but stand up again. Don't give up. When one piece doesn't fit, you still know it will fit somewhere else, just not in that specific spot. If you disagree with your partner, that's the piece not fitting there, but it does fit somewhere else in the bigger, more beautiful end result. Every single winner in the world has this drive to succeed in common. It is that beautiful, completed puzzle you get to frame and hang up on the wall, a few red flags on the ship's masts you may not like. But the overall photo is worth more than just the beauty others see. You see your love and dedication in there.
Every relationship requires work, effort, dedication, time, investment. There is no singe exception. Sometimes, a lot, in the beginning. All go through hard times, some in the beginning, some a few years later. But how dedicated you are to make it work, to complete the puzzle, is what makes the difference between winning and losing. You can fail, and you will fail when a piece doesn't fit at a particular place, but as long as you don't give up, you're guaranteed to win when you inevitably find the right place for that piece. Life is like that too, but this article is about puzzles and love, okay.
We see winners on podiums, sometimes appearing overnight on TV screens and all over media, without realizing it took them a lot of hard work for very long to get all over the scene. They forced themselves to have patience while working on the puzzle of true love. Building a puzzle to have that finalized masterpiece framed and hung up on a wall to draw the admiration and envy of everyone takes a lot of hard work, that others didn't notice, either.
The perfect, beautiful relationship we all strive for is the same, you have to stick it out, apply patience, endure hardship, figure out the small pieces, and keep on loving the process itself. Focus on the end goal, but force yourself, if necessary, to love the process to get there too. Inevitably, it will reward you with the most beautiful picture you can frame. Every time you see it, you know that you invested many hours, days, weeks, months, and years to build something you'll be proud of and love till the day you die 55 years later. It's not just something you put together, it's a testament to your character to leave something others will see and strive towards too. Decades after their demise, we still remember some actors not just for their acting skills but also for their immortal love for their one-life partner. Behind the limelight in Hollywood, they had to work even harder than us to make those relationships work. If they could, you can too. ;)
The moral of this story is, never give up on love. You will often feel like giving up when things get hard, regardless of what it is in life. The number one thing you should do, then, is to not give up. So many times in history, athletes gave up when they saw the finish line in sight, and nobody remembers their names. They withered away into the abyss. But the ones that pushed that extra bit, that even ran another few yards after crossing the line—those we remember, those we admire, those we know have what it takes and are worthy of the prize. And isn't love the ultimate prize worth fighting for and running for when every muscle wants to quit? I think one of life's biggest tragedies is when someone sees the winning line in sight, and then give up. It happens, frequently for very legit reasons, but it's still a moment of absolute regret that will haunt many people all their lives.
When you mine a piece of land, you may hope there's that one big diamond below. But you cannot be sure. When you have a puzzle box already in your hands, though, you have love right there, worth far more than any diamond, that you are obliged to cherish, protect, polish, and build on. And from what I understand, polishing a diamond is pretty hard and tedious work.
Imagine setting yourself the goal of running a marathon. Do you just wake up one morning, go running those many miles, and win? No. Chances are, you won't even get halfway, and you'll feel like a loser all your life about it. So you plan. You type out what you need to do to win. The exercises you have to do, the number of hours, the calories needed for optimal energy, the diet you need to adhere too, the tasty fudge to avoid. All the small details. And then comes the daily actions, the frustration, the tiny steps and tasks, the temptations to deviate and give up. The self-discipline to keep on with it while your heart burns to just get the prize without having to do all the hard work first.
Many relationships start off easily. Fast. Everything is just perfect from the start. But they never last. Never. Observe for yourself, then tell me I'm wrong. Because when tough times appear - as is inevitable in any years-long relationship - that easy relationship will crumble. That is when partners learn the 'worst part' of their partner, and then they cannot handle it. But a couple having had to go through tough times at the beginning of their relationship and surviving it, becomes unstoppable, and will accomplish any and all goals they set later on, and get out of any storm stronger together. Again, observe for yourself, check decades-old marriages.
True love is extremely rare. I'd dare say 90% of couples can barely endure each other after 20 years. They only stay together out of fear of having to start another puzzle all over again. When you have true love, you have to grab it and never let go while you cherish, protect, and work on it. Don't let anything make you give up—not distance, not time, not stress, not hardship. Because all those storms will pass, no matter how hard it feels at a given time, because no storm stays permanent. You survived all the other storms in your life, right? True love, though, is permanent, as long as you cherish it and don't let it go. When you have doubts, take that leap of faith and take that risk to lose yourself in love. Because when it pays off and becomes permanent, it makes it worth every tear and becomes a masterpiece so wonderful that it cannot be puzzled together in words.
